Off Beat, Me!

It’s okay to be off-beat, flaky  or unusual. No one ever told me that it was okay, so I thought I would pass on the information!

If you read my About Me then you realize that I am, myself, somewhat of an off-beat personality, or so I once was told. Really, I wasn't always who I am today.  Excepting a nine-year remission period, I have been living with a chronic condition that causes depression, chronic fatigue, and pain.  Add to that a divorce after 28 years of marriage (add one nervous breakdown), and you come up with a potion for a major personality change.

Deep anger and a root of bitterness took hold of me for a while. Not so much from the loss of a relationship, or the grief, or the feelings of despair and fear; those, are topics for another day...but, anger, because I realized that I was a changed person.  I thought, what right does one person have to create such damage in me!

You might say, well, you let it happen to yourself; you are in control of you.  That’s true too, and a good thought; but, when I was hit with circumstances out of the blue, I didn't have time to prepare. I lost my equilibrium. I sank and I sank fast...and it was bad. It was dark.  I couldn't breathe...eat...sleep...or cry for help.  I nearly didn't make it out alive.

How did I get through it?  One hour at a time; then, one day at a time. When I could not reach up out of the black, God reached down with His hand. He met me where I was.

No one wants to hear the old cliche  but it does take time to heal; and we have to be patient with ourselves and also allow God to work in our lives.  Change will come too.  No, I am not the person I used to be; but, I am a stronger person now.  I don’t waste my time thinking and doing what doesn't matter a hill of beans! Oh, I’m different, but I like who I am, and I like that I know what the important things are in life. God gave me a life and He gave me a life to live to the full...and I plan to continue to do that very thing!

Comment and post a dream today...share a positive thought...give a testimony of praise.  Share a little God-light through yourself with a friend who needs a hand up.

Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways. Psalms 119:37 (ESV)

Thanks for stopping by!

Raven

Horrible Heart’s Day?

Dear Friend,

Today, my teen daughter is wearing a V Day tee-shirt that says, Who Needs a Valentine When You Have Friends.

When you’re single or depressed...or single and depressed...help yourself to any combination of the two, Valentine’s Day can be a real bummer. (i.e. downer, washout, heart killer, dump day...)

The first V Day after my divorce, one of my sons surprised me with a bouquet of flowers.  He was thoughtful enough to see that I no longer had a valentine’s sweetie to give me flowers and love gifts.

Wonderful child!

 I cried. I wallowed in misery. I was a black hole of neediness.  I hated the whole day. When Christmas didn't finish me off, Valentine’s Day did. The only thing I despised more than the holiday was me. I hated what I was and to be honest, those feelings lasted a long, long time.

Wouldn't I sound strong and emotionally stable if I said I pulled myself away from my pity party and soldiered on to become the steel magnolia I thought I was.  I mean, I had plenty of examples of strong females around me.  Well, I thought I was a strong woman. Before.  Once. Wasn't I? When did That which does not kill us, makes us stronger, stop working?

I knew even at the time of my divorce that there were other women who dropped their baskets just like I dropped mine.  One lady came by where I worked just to share with me that when her husband left her, she closed the blinds, locked the door, and went to bed for two months.  Hmm....I had no idea who that woman was. I still don’t.  Shows you how word gets around doesn't it.  I’m ashamed to say that I was embarrassed at the time by her visit.  Today, I know she was reaching out with a gift; the real kind of Valentine’s gift... genuine caring and love.

Truth be told, if I hadn’t been so incredibly focused on myself and the hurt I was living in, I could have seen many other instances of that kind of caring; a boss (the Mayor, actually!) who just happened to drop by work every week for months, just to say hello; a family who supported and loved me through the whole ordeal. Finally, I had a God who carried me, though I was too blind to see it.

Huh. Well, as it turns out I had Valentine’s sweethearts all along...

Dear One,

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” John 15:9 NIV

Love,

Jesus, Your Real Valentine

If you have managed to get past despair, consider reaching out to someone who hasn’t made it through.  Post an encouraging word.  Be a Valentine sweetheart for someone today.

Thanks and God Bless,

Raven

Depression: The Problem of the Bed

Depression:  The Problem of the Bed  

  

Warm Hug for today:  You are special. You are stronger than you think.

Dearest Friend,

Years ago I read a book about grieving the loss of a spouse. One of the chapters was entitled, What to do About the Bed.  The subject is hugely important for people with depression. The bed is a real problem, I think we all agree; but let’s explore the topic in a different context. 

If you are over forty, you may remember the protest for peace that John Lennon and Yoko Ono staged from their bed. Only they could have the chutzpah to make a worldwide activist statement from the one place where usually we find private and personal refuge!

The bed event worked for John and Yoko for several reasons.  The obvious reasons, of course, were that whatever those two got up to was a world event, and second they were in the bed together. You see, there were two human beings in that bed...beings who were always there to support each other...always there to discuss whatever project they were working on...always there to cuddle and to give and receive love.  Many people don’t share the special bond that they rejoiced in. Even fewer have anyone to share themselves with in a lasting and intimate way.   You are the ones that this article addresses. If you are depressed and alone in the bed...get out of it!

The lie is that your cozy bed is a safe place...a place to rest...to get it together. If you are depressed, start looking at your bed as a utilitarian space for 8-10 hours of daily sleep.  Keep out of it...you are hurting yourself to be there. Note: If you have lost a spouse, take some time; think about whether or not sleeping in the same bed is really a good thing for you.  Be smart...you may need to change your sleeping arrangements. It’s okay to move on. Your partner would want that.

Wisdom: Get out of the bed!

Now that you have bitten the bullet, heaved a heavy sigh and looked at the problem of the bed; let’s talk about what you can do about it.

Following is a list of other things to do besides be in bed. This is not a bucket list. Try to keep moving. The old tired saying might just apply:  Fake it ‘til you make it!

• ·        Get showered, put on real clothes
• ·        Go to the cosmetics counter at the mall and try all the samples
• ·        Take a stroll. Even a slow walk gets your endorphins going!
• ·        Keep Bible Scripture cards or a Praise volume with you all the time. Read them throughout the day, keep some by “The Bed.”
• ·        Go to one of your safe places. I know you have them...places where you feel happy and secure
• ·        Take an easy class...even if it’s underwater basket weaving, it gets you out among the living
• ·        Adopt a cat. Cats are great pets for depressed people. They are loving and low maintenance
• ·        Start a planter...pick bright colors
• ·        Go to church.  It’s a great way to meet people and build emotional support
• ·        Serve lunch at a Help Center
• ·        Paint your nails, paint the dog’s nails!
• ·        Hit a tennis ball against your garage
• ·        Wash your car/wash anything...there’s satisfaction in seeing dirt come off!
• ·        Read a children’s story. Read a favorite with lots of pictures
• ·        Start a journal about the good things in life
• ·        Go to a music event. My community has a dulcimer group.

You get the idea here.  Enter the world. Stay away from the bed. Go through the motions if you have to until you get to a good place.  Remember the Disney movie, Finding Nemo?  Be like Dory, just keep swimming!

Say Aloud (People believe what they hear themselves say):   I will be better, stronger, whole...God loves me...I have a purpose in life! 

“But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield” (Psalm 5:11-12 NIV).

I pray today that God’s love surrounds and protects you as with a shield!